Local expert Benjamin Hammersmith, who mere moments before the Brexit vote tally was confidently predicting a 95% chance of a Remain outcome, has today released a report forecasting the exact amount of economic and social damage the Brexit vote is to have out to 2066.
Mr Hammersmith’s report, entitled “A Specific Scientific Quantification of Brexit Impacts over the next 49.5 years,” goes into great detail upon the precise effects that the Brexit vote, which took him completely by surprise, is to have on many measures including GDP, Unemployment, Inflation, rates of Domestic Violence, changes in sea level, global surface temperatures and rates of Islamophobia.
“Our modelling shows that by 2066, Britain is to have a GDP up to 15.5% lower than would otherwise be the case,” Mr Hammersmith said of his half-century forecasts which shared the same fundamental biases, unquantifiable unknowns and human fudge factors as his models which failed to predict the results of a national vote which had already occurred mere moments in the past.
“If there’s one thing that readers should take away, it’s that Britain will DEFINITELY be worse off as a result of Brext, now and forever,” said the man whom at that very moment could still not process the fact that the real world had deviated from the lazy assumptions, estimates and just plain pluck-it-out-of-your-arse guesses that underpinned the beautiful black and white results that he would have preferred. “15.5% worse off. And don’t get me started on the impact on the polar bear numbers!”
At press time, Mr Hammersmith was heard to be muttering that the logic underlying his democratic model remained sound, and that it clearly must have been the voters who had produced the wrong result.