Why Men Like Bitches

Before The Spear even begins to write this blog his ears detect the incipient rustling of discrimination law-suits being filed on the politically correct wind of the times.  So, with that in mind, he thinks it wise to outline exactly what he is referring to when he uses the widely applied word ‘bitch’, in the context of the of partnering preferences of men.

The Spear has heard many women described as ‘bitchy’, by both men and women, but without official sanction (needless to say, its common usage has come a long way from its literal application to a female dog).  Usually used to denigrate, it can describe both dominant characteristics in a female and submissive traits in a male (‘What a bossy bitch’, ‘He’s your bitch now’).  Of these two generalities, the former is most applicable in this case.

So what exactly are ‘dominant’ characteristics in a woman, why are men generally attracted to them, and if they are attractive traits, why the pejorative colloquialism?

There's something about Daisy

To be dominant is to possess a potent self-confidence.  It is to lead the way, to have the answers (whether correct or not is beside the point), to be in charge and to impose your will.  These are all genetically attractive characteristics in both women AND men, as dominant people are natural survivors in a world of limited resources.  In a dog eat dog world, the more dominant dogs do most of the eating. 

But dominant characteristics in males are largely applauded by society, so why does it give way to the term ‘bitch’ with many women?  The process of mate-selection and the sexual desirability of the woman in question, both of which relate to the genetic attractiveness of a woman, would appear to have something to do with it.

Most men would say that they are not attracted to a woman simply because she is dominant, and would be easily be able to rattle off numerous examples of ‘ugly bitches’ or ‘fat bitches’ to prove their point.  That may very well be the case, but The Spear would suggest they ask themselves if they would be more, or less attracted to a woman of any given physical attractiveness if they were a bit of a bitch as opposed to overly nice?  This is where things get interesting.

Some men would say, ‘No, I don’t like bitches, give me a nice girl’.  But this is to suppose that they already have her labeled as a ‘bitch’, with all of its negative connotations – especially overtones of REJECTION – in place.  If you were instead to offer them a choice between a ‘strong-willed’ and a ‘demure’ woman, chances are most men would be more attracted to the confident one.

In a world where it is overwhelmingly the task of men who must approach women, it is the men who ultimately bear the brunt of sexual rejection.  While a man may choose to approach a dominant woman, a woman generally does not choose whether or not to approach a dominant man – they are either approached by him or they are not.  Thus a woman does not typically get rejected by an alpha male, they merely get over-looked.  Men, on the other hand, get rejected on a regular basis by alpha females with far too numerous offers.  And what better way to vent the bitterness of sexual rejection, whether it be implicit (haughty looks, age, partnered) or explicit (‘fuck off’), than to re-badge the discerning, strong-willed, confident woman, as a ‘bitch’.

Women, clearly, do not require the component of sexual rejection to classify a fellow woman as a ‘bitch’, but would likely use the term somewhat differently; synonymous to how men call other men ‘arse holes’ or ‘pricks’.  In The Spear’s experience, women tend to be able to spot a ‘bitch’ amongst the ranks long before men, who typically tend to hold off judgement until it is ascertained whether there is any possibility of mating with them, if desirous.  For most there is no possibility, so the label is likewise applied.

For those men who do manage to nab a strong-willed, dominant woman though; that is what they are.  The term ‘bitch’ need not apply, except in passing jest (‘You bitch-face’, ‘Sexy bitch’).

So in closing, men like bitches because they cannot have them, and those who can have bitches do not get them.

[A good literary example is F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby, Gatsby’s pursuit of Daisy mirroring Fitzgerald’s own pursuit of his eventual wife Zelda, the ‘it’ girl, who broke off their engagement and dated other men until he could write something of publishable worth to prove he could financially support her].